broadsideblog

A Little Solitude Is A Powerful Thing: A Room Of One's Own, Even For A Week

In behavior, women on January 8, 2010 at 8:01 am
Portrait of Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)

Viginia Woolf, one of my favorite writers. Image via Wikipedia

Silence. Solitude. Space.

These are three of the most prized commodities anyone creative — hell, anyone — can enjoy. In a culture packed with buzzing, beeping distractions, one that races all the time at top speed and scoffs at those slowpokes who dawdle, having a calm, quiet, private physical space to oneself, with only the hum of the fridge, the rumble (in New York today) of the snowplow or the wind in the trees is a great luxury.

We tend to pity those who live alone, imagining them sad and dreary, pining for company and amusement. Many who live solo, in fact, deeply prize their privacy and quiet.

I’ve been on my own for a whole week, my partner away on business. I’ll join him tomorrow, but oooooh the luxury of not having to clean up or cook or tidy up or be civilized for a while. Feels good to be feral.

Last night I devoured an entire book, “Drive”, by Daniel Pink. Turned off the TV, wasn’t enjoying lively conversation, wasn’t worried about dinner. Just read non-stop, gulping it down.

As many know, it was Virginia Woolf, lecturing to university women, who suggested that every woman needs her own money and a room of her own in order to create.

She’s right. A woman seen to be ignoring the needs of her loved ones is often considered a selfish, wretched demon, no matter how divided she feels between what new work she needs to create and what she has already chosen — family — to create. It’s no wonder some of the world’s most highly creative women eschew marriage and motherhood to get on with their own work, uninterrupted, unharried, undistracted by the jammy hands and dirty socks of people they might adore but whose relentless needs also take up a lot of time and energy.

One of my favorite women creators, whose invention — ironically — helps check the health of newborn babies, was someone who never married, Columbia University physician Dr. Virginia Apgar, for whom the test is named. Her dream, as a devoted amateur aviatrix, was to fly under the George Washington Bridge.

Read any issue of any women’s magazine aimed at those with partners and children, and you’ll find an article on carving out a bit of time and space for yourself. A woman wanting to be alone, like Greta Garbo, is seen as a little odd.

Maybe she’s just…thinking.

  1. Thank you for this article. I have also loved Virginia Woolf’s writing but, most importantly, the messages in her stories about women’s strength as individuals.

    We live in a society filled with women (and men) who are so afraid to be on their own. It’s amazing, really… I always found it to be one of the best moments of my life to simply sit, read, and forget about being civil.

    How do you know yourself if you fear being alone?

  2. Glad you liked it. Interesting that so few people even bothered to look at it.

  3. I read EVERYTHING you write, Caitlin!

    I find myself alone or without immediate responsibilities so infrequently that when it does happen I tend to wander around in circles in my house. Kinda sad…

  4. reba, I am sitting stunned by sitting still. Vacation. Relaxing. Hmmmmm. How does that work?

    It’s shocking how rare it is to just sit very still. So I get the wandering in circles thing!

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