Are you 'undateable'? A new book suggests 311 reasons why

In men, women on March 14, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Ugly face

Image by darkpatator via Flickr

Sexist? Bossy? Judgmental? Hell, yeah!

A new book, ‘Undateable’ carries a list of the many ways a man can — and many do (0ften with no idea why) — completely remove himself from romantic or sexual consideration.

From the New York Post:

Horrified by a blind date flashing the huge gold chain, novelty belt buckle and Ed Hardy wear? Or are you mystified by fellows who come courting in guylights (male frosted tips), mandanas (bandanas on a dude), jorts (jean shorts) or even a bad toupee?

Well, you’re not alone, ladies. There’s a specific category for these man-gressions, and two women — one looking, one not — have written a book about these men: “Undateable,” out Tuesday.

In it, authors Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle list 311 different ways a man can “guarantee” he won’t be dating or having sex. Warning: These descriptions might be too graphic for sensitive readers.

Zandy MangoldWe took tips from “Undateable,” by Ellen  Rakieten and Anne Coyle, to evaluate Arnie Nieves’ male-functioning  wardrobe.

Zandy Mangold
We took tips from “Undateable,” by Ellen Rakieten and Anne Coyle, to evaluate Arnie Nieves’ male-functioning wardrobe.

Photos: Undateable fashion choices


Such offenses might be: the phantom golf swing. Saying “make love.” Cellphone holsters. Satin sheets. “Star Trek”-themed sheets. Pet name for your penis. Anything from Ed Hardy. Massive gold chains with a wife-beater and so many tattoos you’re starting to freak out Sandra Bullock’s husband.

I have to admit, I once dated a man who arrived at our first date wearing — seriously — two or three cell/Blackberry holsters. This was in 1999, so he was at least an early adopter. It was almost a total deal-breaker. But….he chose a lovely restaurant, had great manners, made me laugh, was charming and fun and funny. We spent six months together.

Some of my deal-breakers: bad grooming (shaggy ear/nose hair, needs a haircut, overstyled or gelled); raggedy hands and cuticles, whether bitten or chewed; unpressed clothing (dude, get an iron!), excessive jewelry, tattoos (sorry, I know some people really love them and find them really attractive), bad manners, over-attention to phone/Blackberry/technology, total lack of curiousity about the world, zero interest in the arts or creative endeavors.

What are some of yours?

And, gentlemen, what turns you off a woman?

  1. One word: vacuity. That black hole will devour every heart on my mind cloud for a woman no matter how attractive she is.

    A much more superficial one is funky or bad breath. That is awfully damning because it compromises the kiss. And if there is no kiss, well, it’s over and out.

    PS The word mandanas is hysterical, it wont let go of my funny bone this morning.

  2. Indeed! Great, ongoing, intelligent conversation makes up for a lot, in my book.

    And, agreed on the bad breath. Ew.

    For me, and for many women, hands are really important. If you want someone to touch you, and if you like them, you do, they need to be immaculate and cared-for — except the callused, diesel-stained hands of the ship’s engineer I once dated. I found his strength and competence outweighed my normal fussiness.

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