broadsideblog

Sex Every Night For A Year? Woo-Hoo! Or Exhausting Just To Think About?

In behavior, men, women on May 18, 2010 at 9:06 am
SEX

Image by kyz via Flickr

Here’s a piece from The Guardian about Charla Muller, an American woman who promised her husband sex every night for a year for his 40th birthday and (natch) wrote a book about it:

We had been married for eight years and I wanted to reconnect with Brad, and give him a gift he would never forget.”

Maybe, particularly in harsh economic times, modern couples who are enduring the dark night of the soul that is the long-term relationship should consider giving each other the same gift Charla gave Brad. Forget the downsides – the missed Everton-Man U penalty shoot-outs, the soreness, not to mention having to think of new ways to keep the bleeding thing interesting each and every night. Accentuate the positive. Think of the free nightly endorphin rushes. Not to mention how much you’ll save by turning out the lights and giving up your subscription to Sky+. Think how close you’ll be to your partner (even if, all things considered, you’d rather be playing online Scrabble, lying about your life on Twitter or taking your Second Life avatar to a roller disco).

What was Brad’s reaction to this gift, I ask Muller. “He turned me down! He thought that scheduling time for intimacy would detract from its loveliness. He also wondered if he was up to it. He said, ‘What would happen if I have a headache?’” So she drew up a list of ground rules, among which was that either party could decline on any occasion.

“Eventually he said, ‘Let’s give it a go.’” As Brad’s birthday neared, though, the couple worried about logistics – how would they find the energy and free time (she works in marketing, he is a salesman), how would they ensure that the kids (aged seven and five) didn’t intrude, and what if there was something really good on telly? “We agreed that TV couldn’t trump intimacy, and that once we scheduled some saucy time, BlackBerrys and emails would be ignored.” What about the kids? “They’re old enough that we don’t have to look out for them every five minutes, so we would often put them in front of a video. We were also much stricter with bedtimes than we had been before. We also weren’t afraid to lock our bedroom door. Sometimes we had a great babysitter for our date nights.”

Nothing like stories about others shagging to bring out the cynics and jealous.

“Another boring American story”, sniffed one commenter. The thread on the story was shut down after 202 comments, several of which the moderator had removed.

I’m going to vote for — exhausting and annoying. I already have enough daily obligations, so many I feel like my brain is going to explode. Turning sex into another one seems a little sad. You want it, or you don’t. If you don’t, deal. People aren’t machines.

Does this — ladies and gentlemen — sound like your dream come true?

Or an exhausting “Are you kidding me?” addition to your long to-do list?

  1. I feel exhausted and well, frankly, more than a little ragged and physically sore just thinking about it. More power to her, I guess, but I agree. It shouldn’t be a chore, or something you schedule. It’s 5:15 honey, drop your pants and roll over! Ugh, no thanks. Where’s the fun and intimacy in that?

  2. Maybe if “sex” was broadly interpreted?

  3. You mean like “I did not have sex with that woman” interpreted? I still “think” about sex daily. That has to count for something. Tom Medlicott

  4. Good to know, Tom! Maybe it’s the thought that counts.

  5. I agree with you Caitlin. Maybe a commitment to a glass of wine each night and let’s see where that leads.

  6. Maybe writers are just too darn pooped after a day slaving away over a hot keyboard?

  7. If you’ve got time to take a shower each day, you’ve got the time and energy for a romp. “Sex every day for a year” isn’t a challenge — it’s a gift.

  8. I guess that also depends how long it takes to…shower….or romp. Time? Can you spell that? Energy? Hmmmmm.

    • Can I spell “time”? Huh?

      What I’m saying is, if a person can make time to blog (ha), check e-mail, watch some stupid reality show, and yack on the phone or Twit, or both, then you’ve got time to make time.

  9. Not you, dear. I meant “time” in general being something I think a lot of people feel short of…

    But the larger point — and I do agree with you about prioritizing — is that blogging or emailing or tweeting can be done on the fly, as it were. You do all these things alone when it suits you (one form of sex, certainly) but if you’re going to knock boots, you have to find a time, place and mood that’s mutually agreeable to your partner.

    I bet for every man or woman who’s up for sex, there’s a partner who isn’t — at that very moment. That’s the challenge.

    Add in any form of illness, injury or disability…I’m so loving severe arthritis of the hip. Makes a gal feel very, very alluring, I can assure you.

  10. Sounds about as romantic as scheduling sex around your ovulation timetable when couples are trying to conceive. Sex should be recreational; not a job or obligation.

  11. Well, what is the point of having sex every night? Intimacy? Intimacy is not only obtained through sex. Giving somebody the gift of sex is like saying “I´ll pay for a hooker for you, every night”. If you rephrase this gift to “giving someone the gift of intimacy”, then you have a wider range of possibilities to work with every night: from making love, to just cuddling and enjoying a movie together, or sharing a good bottle of wine and dreaming about your next vacation.

  12. There’s a theory that the more sex you have the more you want, and if a little ‘prioritising’ at first leads to a greater desire then that’s a good thing.

    I’m way too guilty of believing I don’t have the time or energy – and before you know it you can’t remember the last time.

    I think we could all take a leaf out of there book if not for a year long rampant romp at least to vow to spend more quality time together :)

  13. Don’t knock it till you try it. I have. We were having some marriage problems. So we did that for a year. No matter what. We had 3 kids at the time. Let’s just say we have been married 20 years since that year a total of 36. You learn a lot about yourself, your mate and sex in general. I would recommend it.

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