This list of decidedly losing letters to one annoyed literary agent (and their unsent replies) is delicious, from mediabistro.com’s GalleyCat, the blog that follows the publishing industry:
“Greetings agent. I have written the most important book on earth.”
Will someone, for the love of God, please kill me.
If you really want to find an agent, find a writer who thinks your work is excellent and ask, very nicely, if they’ll share the name of their agent. That’s usually how it’s done. I found mine when I spoke at an event and her assistant suggested I write a memoir. I did.
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My contribution:
Dear Human:
I have documented my journey across time to this moment. I am interesting, so this manuscript will be too. Let’s make money.
Sincerely,
E. Gotist.
Dear mr. or mrs. agent, as the case may be;
i have written an excellent book which is in its formative chrysalis of chapter one for the reading pleasure of Americans and other people which, not to put too fine a point on it, takes up the blogosphere so if you would like to represent me, I am making contact.
Tersely,
Doug
Love it! I see you both becoming bestsellers. Right away!
Great post, Caitlin! Loved the hilarious link–and as a former agent myself, I’ve gotten my share of letters like that. I also used to get ones starting, ‘Dear Lisa, May I propose?’ Not so funny, especially the 20th time.