broadsideblog

What About Their Wives?

In behavior, domestic life, family, life, love, men, politics, women on June 8, 2011 at 12:07 pm
Larus argentatus

Kick 'em to the curb! Image via Wikipedia

Ah-nuld. DSK. Weiner.

What a sad, stupid, nasty trio of egos gone wild. All-id-all-the-time!

And, yet, they all (this week, anyway), have super alpha wives: smart, educated, powerful, wealthy.

Anne Sinclair, DSK’s wife, millionaire, broadcaster.

Huma Abedin, aide to Hillary Clinton, featured in Vogue: gorgeous, married less than two years to Weiner. (I do wonder what Hillary is saying to her about surviving such marital insanities.)

Maria Shriver, ex-broadcaster, ex First Lady, member of the Kennedy clan.

Their alpha men can’t keep their trousers zipped, nor be truthful or faithful.

My ex-husband wailed to me, on June 15, 1994, after barely two years of marriage, “I’m leaving” and ran off with someone he worked with; I at least had the financial dignity and means to survive without his lies and deception. Thanks to a pre-nup I made him sign.

I’d left Canada, and friends, family and career, to follow him to his native U.S. to start his medical career. (Journalism is not a business you leave untended for any length of time.)

Six weeks after I threw his stuff into garbage bags — after seven years of trying to make the thing work — I had a funny, fun, kind new boyfriend. And a marriage proposal from someone else in another  country who had loved me from afar for decades.

These men are morons — and their women? I can’t fathom the rage and embarrassment they must feel at having chosen them or stayed with them.

Women like these have choices, plenty of them, and better ones than these wretches.

I’d change the locks and start proceedings on every one of these losers.

What would you do?

  1. I’d be hard pressed not to pull a Waiting To Exhale on these guys. I think cheating is just about the most disrespectful slap-in-the-face a spouse can force on the other. In a world where you can divorce, lead a life however sleazy you choose, I can’t fathom why these men would drag their wives through the mud like that.

  2. It’s shocking to me — and I suspect truly galling for their wives — that they, of all women, had many offers from many men over the years — and chose these. This is what they get in return?

  3. We were just talking about this this morning — and wondered that certain wives namely Hillary Clinton, Maria Shriver and Elizabeth Edwards MUST have known their husband’s tendencies. And if you know that do you just look the other way? Do you make an “arrangement” of the sort that ‘you can do this, you pig, but keep it off the news’? In that case the spouse is complicit in the behavior.

    Now, Weiner’s wife may not have known him long enough and may truly be surprised, but I don’t think you can spend 15+ years with some guy and not know he’s a dirtball.

  4. I wonder….It may be that, for some of these women, the kids/lifestyle/power game are sufficiently alluring to allow for such insanities…

    I was with my ex for seven years and, during the two years of our marriage, certainly had many concerns. But then what? He lied and lied and lied….then left.

    A true marriage, we know, is based on trust. If you do not trust your spouse to be honest, ethical and honor their vows, you live in a true hell of daily fear, anxiety, anger and suspicion.

    Or…turn your head….why?

    I stayed because i took my vows seriously (he did not, clearly) and because I was utterly dependent on him economically. Not a good situation, and one that many women are in.

    But not these ones!

  5. It’s so hard to imagine what I’d do! I think I’d be so shocked (given, among other things, that Ba.D.’s mom and/or grandma would take it upon themselves to beat him senseless), it would take me a little while to even get around to something like planning.

    My mom’s answer was the one I’d like to have: leave. I wish she’d done it sooner, because her husband also abused her, but I’m glad that her stance was a definitive hell no to suffering his vices without even being the sole recipient to his limited kindnesses.

    I like to think I’d leave, after tossing Ba.D. (or, should it come to pass, a successor) off the nearest ledge. But I do understand the discomfiture of facing the possibility of worse to come when you’re already experiencing a predictable kind of roughness . . .

  6. Every woman — average income $20K or so! — needs the financial stability and saleable skills to flee losers like these. No one should tolerate it.

    But I had a pre-nup, was not scared to be divorced and alone, and do not have children. I can also barely imagine what these men’s grown children (hello, Cate Edwards?!) think of them as well.

  7. I thought about Cate as I saw pictures of her leaving the courthouse with her dad. How does a guy go from being half decent to a total loser in the matter of a decade? Arnold is a known womanizer and I wonder why Maria put up with it before he became governor. For some of these women, I wonder if they thought “this is what you put up with to have this life.” Can’t imagine being the child of one of these losers.

  8. As the daughter of a guy who has four kids by four women, I am not as surprised by some of these behaviors…

  9. I also wonder if these particular women knew about their spouses’ womanizing tendencies but accepted them as part of the package to live the high-rolling lifestyle… And then I wonder what kind of lifestyle I’d have to be offered in order to turn a blind eye to cheating.

    I think I’ll stick with the modest lifestyle and a faithful spouse! :)

  10. I’ve heard women say that they would try to work it out by going to counseling with their spouse if he was repentant and wanted another chance. I don’t get it. I’ve been married for nearly forty years, am madly in love with my husband, and if he cheated on me just once, I’d have him out on the street so fast, it would make his head spin. That might seem harsh, but once trust is broken like that, it can never truly be regained. Luckily, my honey is madly in love with me, also!

    • That’s the ticket!

      I’ve been with my current sweetie since 2000 and he has a very different character and set of role models than my first husband.
      I also think what your family and friends encourage and accept with a blind eye — or make clear are NOT acceptable makes a difference to keeping a marriage strong.

      • Surprisingly, I’ve heard more young women say they’d stay and try to work it out than older women like me. What’s changed?

  11. Hm. I wonder indeed…
    1) the recession? fear of being alone economically in a lousy job market with rising costs?
    2) feminism having become a dirty word, the very idea of Being Alone is more terriyfing or unappealing?
    3) the wide prevalence of young men using on-line porn and sexting, this sort of garbage may now be seen as no big deal? i.e. they didn’t actually have SEX…?

    I’m guessing Door No. 3 as this is the biggest generational change from women in their 40s and beyond to those younger.

  12. Change the locks, secure the banking and toss his worldly goods onto his side of the driveway .. with a few open cans of spam or sardines tucked in for good measure.

    Don’t. Understand. The. Ones. Who. Stay.

    It will get better … how?

    MJ

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