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Posts Tagged ‘Eliot Spitzer’

What Sandra Bullock And I Have In Common — 'Runaway Husbands'

In behavior, men, women on March 20, 2010 at 9:34 am
WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA - MARCH 07:  Sandra Bullock...

Image by Getty Images via Daylife

It sure isn’t an Oscar!

The challenge is, when hubby bolts, you’re supposed to feel humiliated. Well, you do. That’s true. But he made the choice.

We both faced the nasty reality of a “runaway husband”, the subject of a new book by marriage therapist Vikki Stark, whose own husband ran out on her after 21 years.

I was with my ex for five years before we married, and our marriage barely made it past our second anniversary. He was re-married to his second wife (whom he’s still with) within the year. She’s even in my wedding pictures, his “best friend” (cue Psycho music here) from work.

I’ll spare you the grim details, but it was hell. He was gone a lot — a doctor, officially overnight “on call” at the hospital or, helping her with her young baby as a single mother, at her home. I relied on his income 100 percent, which left me unwilling to push back as hard as I needed to, let alone move out or kick him out.

For those of you whose hubbies have strayed, or you fear they might:

1) Do your due diligence before you marry. Seriously. I had plenty of reason to worry about my ex-husband when I met his family. His mother was so miserable in her marriage she told me all about it. His older brother had already bailed on two wives, each with a young child. Not a good sign! I loved my ex deeply, felt sure we’d figure it all out — and still demanded a pre-nup to seal the deal, just in case.

2) Pre-nup. If you are entering a marriage, like Bullock and many other women with assets, protect yourself. Make sure your finances, if entwined, won’t drag you into court for decades. Know his FICO score. Know what he earns, saves and invests. I was sufficiently alarmed by my ex’es family misery I wanted a pre-nuptial agreement to protect myself, having left my country, family, friends and a thriving career to marry him. As a nosy, mistrustful reporter, I went and interviewed a divorce attorney — $350/hour in 1992 — to find out my legal rights should my marriage end, especially if it ended quickly. I would, he said, have gotten nothing — after putting my career on hold and marrying someone making a lot of dough. My ex had to write me a five-figure check once he’d left, and that was before alimony kicked in. Divorce is expensive, so I calculated in: moving costs, lawyers’ fees, therapy fees and a month or two to get back on my feet.

3) Protect your assets. These include your professional skills, the one thing many women let atrophy if they stay home and mother their kids exclusively.

4) Keep your friendships strong. I was extremely isolated when my husband walked out, June 15, 1994,  a Wednesday night. Yes, I remember. I had very few friends, had quit my job and my family of origin was far away in Canada. I didn’t eat for a week (looked great, though!) and only the kindness of a compassionate, elderly neighbor I barely knew put food in my mouth after she took me into her apartment and made me a sandwich and made me eat it.

5) Keep your professional network, even sporadically, alive. There’s no excuse now. Between Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, you can, and must, maintain some professional networks, even if you’re convinced your marriage is made in heaven and can’t possibly (hello, Titanic?) fail. Should you suddenly need income, and you will if your husband bails, a few colleagues or clients who’ll come through for you quickly is essential.

I knew my marriage faced challenges — I begged my maid-of-honor, just as we walked up the stairs to the church, “Just be my friend if this doesn’t work out.” She did and she is, celebrating her own 20th. wedding anniversary this year. Every marriage faces challenges, whether you’re clutching an Oscar or struggling with infertility or unemployment or illness or you hate his mother or he hates your sister.

The brave, loving husbands are honest enough to say, clearly and without screaming — and before bedding a skank, or a whole bunch of them — “This isn’t working for me. We need to talk.”

And we need to listen.

First, Eliot Spitzer. Now, Ashley Dupre's Writing A New York Post Column

In Media on December 14, 2009 at 7:41 am
Ashley Alexandra Dupré

She's ready to help...Image via Wikipedia

What’s your next career move after bringing down, so to speak, the governor of New York? Writing an advice column. Ashley Dupre is now writing a weekly sex and love column for the New York Post.

It’s too late for Spitzer and Sanford. But maybe she can can save your marriage.

Tiger, Eliot, Mark….Please, In Every Way, Just Zip It!

In news, sports on December 2, 2009 at 11:51 am
Tiger Woods

Hole in one, eh? Image via Wikipedia

Sigh. Another “confession” of transgression. What are we now, the new confessional?

It’s really simple, gentlemen. Zip it, and keep it zipped, whether above or below the waist. I, for one, do not wish to hear about it!

Your wives are, by all public accounts, carefully chosen, likely pre-nuptially well-vetted and exemplary: thin, pretty, smart, accomplished, patient with the endless demands of your work/travel/ego. They produce a couple of decent kids and raise them for you. Yeah, they get a nice lifestyle out of it, but as anyone who’s ever been married to a man-who-becomes-a-wallet/adulterer can tell you, it ain’t enough.

If your man is straying from the life he willingly chose and took vows to create, he’s a fool and a dog and he’s damn lucky you even let him back into the house — let alone smash in his Escalade to rescue his sorry ass in his own driveway.

You gotta love the pathetic irony of these guys who, arguably, chase and win it all: fame, fortune, a lovely wife/home/kids/career. Then blow it.

Go home, stay quiet, figure it out.

Making Adultery Pay — Jenny Sanford Cashes In On Mark's Deceit

In Media, women on November 28, 2009 at 3:46 pm
COLUMBIA, SC - JUNE 24: (EDITOR'S NOTE: ALTERN...

Cry, baby, cry. Image by Getty Images via Daylife

There’s even a TV series now about a wronged political wife, The Good Wife, starring Julianna Margulies. Now Jenny Sanford, independently wealthy — how handy is that? — is writing a memoir about her lying dog of a husband, South Carolina governor Mark Sanford. Why do we care?

When you’ve got bags of your own money and can kick your adulterer quite literally to the curb, how much do you have in common with your readers?

Millions of women are “forgiving” if not forgetting their hound-dog husbands these days — as they have for decades — because one or both is stuck in a crappy recession, can’t keep or find a job paying enough money to allow them to separate, and/or may own a house that’s underwater and they can’t refinance. So the lying loser wearing their ring is still in the house. For many women right now, divorce is simply too damn complicated and expensive an option. Very few, like Jenny Sanford, have a whole extra beach house where they can go sit and commune with their thoughts, a big New York City publisher awaiting their manuscript.

Silda Spitzer kept a lid on it, and more power to her for doing so.

Spare us.

'Itching To Get Back In The Policy Fray' — The FT Lunches With Eliot Spitzer

In business, politics on November 1, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Eliot Spitzer

Image by Center for American Progress via Flickr

Not many people are especially eager to lunch with Eliot Spitzer, but the Financial Times, in its weekly interview column, this week chose to sit down with him in London where he is to headline the World Council’s 10th. International Conference on Corporate Governance on “Realigning the moral compass of the boardroom.”

Says Brooke Masters, his biographer and interviewer here: “Some of the self-righteousness…has gone, replaced by a bit more tolerance of human frailty...As we talk, it becomes clear that Spitzer is itching to get back in the policy fray. He is fiercely interested in the debate raging on both sides of the Atlantic on how governments can avoid having to rescue the biggest banks when they get into trouble…’Banking should be boring,’ he says. ‘When banking isn’t boring, you’re asking for trouble long-term. The razzle-dazzle stuff is great but leave it to people who have raised their equity differently, who don’t go to the government.”

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