Britain's Largest Theme Park Bans Too-Sexy Speedos — Still Compulsory in France.

Badpak uit 1921 / Bathing suite, 1921
Image by Nationaal Archief via Flickr

If you’ve never seen a guy wearing Speedos — or been that guy — it’s a sight you don’t easily forget, one I was…um…first exposed to as a 14-year-old lifeguard in Toronto. They’re so tight, skimpy and clingy, we used to joke you could tell a guy’s religion from across the pool.

Now Alton Towers, billed as Britain’s largest theme park and family fun resort, has banned men in Speedos, the suit invented in 1914 in Australia. Apparently the sight of too-large men in too-small trunks is scaring the kiddies. Even one men’s fashion website sniffs that the thin nylon trunks, designed for speed, and the default choice of many competitive athletes, are all wrong for recreational male swimmers, offering zero style, albeit terrific support.

Meanwhile, bien sur, across the Channel, a man hoping to swim in any French public pool must wear Speedos for health reasons, the argument being someone wearing shorts possibly covered in sand, dirt or who knows what else would pollute the pool.

As summer starts to wane, I just thought we needed a really serious subject to think about today.

Tomorrow is J-Day: Money, Mentors and Where to Find Them

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