Lock Up Your Man, Ladies — Poachers Are Circling!

The Hunter album cover
Image via Wikipedia

Lock up your man! Single women poach.

A recent study has found that women, told a guy is already in a committed relationship, suddenly considered him a whole lot juicier target than a single guy — 90 percent of women surveyed said, hell yeah, they’d poach someone else’s catch versus 59 percent who find a singleton appealing.

As someone whose husband of less than two years, (seven years together), was poached — having left friends, family and a thriving career behind in Canada for him, tolerated 18 months of boring/sexist/no jobs rural New Hampshire for him and dealing with his broke-exhausted-never-home ass during his medical residency — (moi, bitter?) I’ve got a little expertise in this area. His second wife locked onto him at his first full-time job as a doctor, where he was finally making lots of money, feeling his oats and relishing the hard-won fruits of his labors. Poaching at work, honestly, is for amateurs — men always look, smell and sound their most appealing there. Three years after attending my first wedding, she had her third wedding — to him. Nice work, babe!

So why exactly are attached guys so alluring?

1) You know they can commit because they already have. Who knows what it took to get that ring on his finger or move his boxes into your closet? But there he is, a man who’s proved through action, not words, that he loves a woman enough to relinquish some of his independence. Hey, if he can love her, he can love you!

2) What a challenge! You can stab another chick through the heart — really, how much powerful (in a 1950’s kind of way), can you get? Depriving some undeserving gal of a man you’re persuaded she undervalues shows a decisiveness and dedication that makes a stalking lion look shy. I knew my marital days were numbered, even before we took vows, when J, with my man already fixed firmly in her sights, cooed her warning: “You just don’t appreciate what you have.” Indeed.

3) If you’re maybe just a teeny, tiny bit shaky in your self-confidence, and you can poach a guy away from a woman who’s actually thinner and prettier than you — baboom! Direct hit!

4) He’s relaxed. He’s getting lucky, sighed over, being fully appreciated. That tends to bring out the calm, happy best in all of us. He is not, as the worst single guys are, being creepily predatory or sloppily desperate or playing hard-to-get. He’s not even playing. Damn!

5) Some other woman has probably already smoothed your trajectory, having done most of the heavy lifting of domesticating him. Bargain! An attached guy already knows the meaning and importance of a honey-do list and probably has a bunch of stuff on his. He knows how and where to buy tampons, clean the bathroom, change a diaper and/or suck up to his woman’s insanely annoying friends, co-workers and relatives.

Admit it, dating a single guy ups the wearying odds of having to face — again — a black leather sofa, a 60-inch flat-screen tuned to the NBA/NFL/Golf Channel, a nagging addiction to online porn and the insane fantasies it fosters, cuffed pleat-front khakis, argyle socks and tasseled loafers, a lone scratched frying pan and a fridge filled with pizza boxes and Blue Ribbon. Not to mention chronic or terminal ambivalence, which is one good reason why he’s single. Anyone who poaches my current sweetie gets a guy who was pretty wonderful when we met a decade ago, and today is an even better cook, does laundry (happily), took me to Paris and buys extremely good jewelry.

Don’t even think about it…

Thanks to fellow T/S’er PJ Tobia, for sending me this link! (Don’t swoon over those gorgeous blue eyes. He’s attached.)

3 thoughts on “Lock Up Your Man, Ladies — Poachers Are Circling!

  1. Marjie Killeen

    Any woman who’s after my man at his workplace should know he might look better than a single guy on paper, but he comes with some heavy baggage she might not find quite as appealing – me!

  2. Caitlin Kelly

    The next question is whether a woman whose guy is pre or mid-poach should try to drag him back to their lair — or let him go. I figure a guy who’s poachable isn’t much worth having anyway. If she got him away from you, someone’s going to get him away from her.

    I think if a man had a stronger ego, another woman’s attentions wouldn’t be so magnetic.

  3. “You know they can commit because they already have.”

    Caitlin has it occurred it you that’s actually a plus, not a minus. I’ve been involved with a married man or two through the years and the fact they have to go home is often an advantage. I think it’s not particularly accurate to be assuming everyone wants a one on one committed monogamous relationship.

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