Getting Married? Ten (Funny) Tips From A Recent Bride

A motorbike rider (R) carries a woman (L) dres...
Image by AFP/Getty Images via @daylife

Love the Brits…Here’s Guardian blogger and author Lucy Mangan on 10 tips for getting married:

2. What to do about flowers

You must have a bouquet. For the simple reason that as you come down the aisle, you have to have something to do with your hands. I wanted to carry a book, in case I got bored, but apparently this is frowned upon. As is waving, picking your nose and – even though the stress of the event means it is the ideal time to take up smoking – sparking up. So a bunch of flowers it has to be….

4. What to do about drink

Buy more.

5. What to do about themes

Various people – dressmaker, caterer, venue owner, friends, family – will ask you this question. Do not look baffled. It is because many people feel that plighting their troth to another fallible, confused, insecure, infinitely complex and ultimately unknowable human being is not likely to provide them or others with enough interest or pressure on the day, and so they like to introduce a themed element to the proceedings. Thus you can have a cowboy-themed wedding, a medieval wedding, an Elvis wedding…

But that aside, here is what I say. Theme ye not. It is a layer of complexity and expense you can well do without. Instead, take as your mental mentor my friend Emily who, when asked by one of the assistants in the first bridal shop she went into what the theme of her wedding was to be, answered simply: “Me. The theme of my wedding is Me.”

As wedding season heats up, a few laughs are always welcome.

I once showed up for a friend’s casual backyard wedding to find her sitting on her bed looking very glum indeed, as did her sister. “Looks like someone needs a joint!” I joked. No one even cracked a smile. OK, I was inappropriate and jocular, but anyone looking that miserable before the ceremony?

(They divorced within a few years.) It didn’t seem a great omen when, in the garden next door, mid-vows, someone fired up their chain-saw.

I’d suggest planning for disaster as best you can; it poured a record rainfall the day of my wedding so my light beige cotton vintage dress soaked up water like a sponge — making for a bath-tub-like line above my hem when I saw the photos.

My tip, should you decide to wear a vintage dress, is figuring out what your maid of honor will wear. I was all excited about my Edwardian dress when it hit me that my maid of honor needed a great dress that would complement mine….and she lived in a trailer near the Alaska border, long before one could easily order pretty things on-line. About three weeks before the ceremony, I found a Victorian cotton bathrobe in the same colors, added a lace collar and ribbon sash and she looked fantastic. This is the time it’s OK to be a little OCD.

What is your best tip?

3 thoughts on “Getting Married? Ten (Funny) Tips From A Recent Bride

  1. dalina

    I wasn’t around when my sister planned her wedding, which is bittersweet. I was the worst MOH because I didn’t plan not one shower or outing, but considering the stress that went into having such a large wedding, I’m kind of thankful.

    I want to keep it as simple as possible and my only request is a taco truck. Diego — who devoured TWELVE (!) tacos at my sister’s after party — is totally on board.

  2. robin27

    Taco truck is hilarious!

    My tip: Get married a few hours after everyone’s eaten lunch and well before they’d expect dinner. 😉

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