Fireside’s secret? Connecting, quickly

 

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By Caitlin Kelly

I’ve been home from Fireside now for only four days…but like many of my fellow attendees, here in NY, in Toronto and beyond, I’ve been chatting with many of them via our Slack channel, Twitter, FB, LinkedIn and email.

 

Talk about connection!

 

I’m still processing so much of what I saw, heard, felt and shared, both emotionally and intellectually.

 

Here’s a great piece about it by one of my cabin-mates, Michelle Manafy, for Inc.com:

being away from the safe and familiar surroundings of home helps campers build new strengths that empower them in whatever they do.

At Fireside, attendees not only have to live without the reassuring buzz of their phones, they also have to forgo conference hotels to share cabins with strangers, sleep on bunks made for kids, without heat in weather that dips into the teens at night. Despite excellent food and well-stocked campfires it is, without doubt, both physically and technologically, uncomfortable.

Yet what occurs is nothing short of magic, warmed by campfire light and reflected in the kind of star-filled sky you only see far from the pervasive light of so-called civilization. People make eye contact. They introduce themselves. They watch speakers without the distraction of tweets or email. They walk and talk in twos and groups, reflecting on what they’ve seen and heard.

 

So why did this brief stay in the woods create such quick, powerful connections?

Egos checked

 

Without the usual conference trappings of badges and lanyards proclaiming your cool/hip/prestigious affiliation(s), without the status-signifiers of the right clothes/shoes/handbag, we were all just..people.

You couldn’t pull the usual thing (so rude!) of looking over someone’s shoulder for the more important contact because the person talking to you might, in fact, be it.

As one man said — “Everyone here is an onion.”

 

 

Long face to face conversations

 

So much of our lives are now relentlessly tech-intermediated — whether emojis, texts, Snapchat, Instagram, Slack, FB, FaceTime, Skype. It’s now radical indeed to just sit, maybe for an entire hour — as I did several times there, and others did as well — and speak at length face to face with someone you’d never met before.

 

Truth-telling

 

It’s also a radical act — in an era of relentless, isolating and demoralizingly competitive social media preening — to just speak openly and honestly about your real struggles, whether emotional, financial, physical or professional, maybe all of these!

During the conference, even the most successful among us spoke bravely and boldly about their frequent battles with anxiety and depression, their need to appear 10000 percent strong and in charge of it all, for fear of losing employees, investors, sales and street cred.

Few things are as powerful as truth and trust.

 

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Being outdoors night and day

 

Dusty shoes, mosquito bites, sunburned noses. (You should see the bruise on my left calf from ungracefully exiting the canoe!)

Just being outside, not staring into damn screens all the time, in fresh air, smelling wood-smoke and pine needles and watching a sunset and hearing a loon’s haunting call…so restorative!

 

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Campfires, literal and physical

 

It’s pretty primal stuff to sit around a fire, blazing or glowing, and stare into its embers. We’ve been doing it as a species for millennia, yet how often do we do it with strangers? It’s harder to bullshit and posture when the smoke is in your eyes and someone just handed you a gooey marshmallow on a stick.

One of the ways the conference organized us was into “campfires” where a group of experts would gather in a public spot and just…extemporize.  We were all there to be resources for one another.

That takes expertise and confidence in your skills and social poise (I did one, with several other journalists) but it’s also down-to-earth and freeing — no mic, no video, no lectern, no notes.

Willingness to brave something completely unfamiliar

 

I was really nervous!

This was not my usual crowd (all journalists and writers of non-fiction) but a wild mix of ages — 20s to 60s — and included start-ups, a few billionaires, tech bro’s and people I had to talk to (giving presentations) and with. What if they were cold or dismissive? (not!)

It was a long long drive from my home an hour north of NYC to the camp, about four hours’ drive north of Toronto. What if the food was lousy? (it wasn’t!)

I think many of us first-timers had to be a little brave. You couldn’t just flee and go catch a movie or flick through your Insta account for distracting comfort.

 

Props to the two young Toronto lawyers, Daniel Levine and Steve Pulver, who invented this thing.

 

 

10 thoughts on “Fireside’s secret? Connecting, quickly

  1. I would feel so intimidated in this crowd of accomplished professionals. It’s refreshing to know that the people spoke so openly about their fears and challenges. That’s amazing.

    btw – that’s a nice pic of the campfire. It’s been ages since I’ve sat in front of a camp fire.

    1. I was SO nervous. But each one is vetted, invited and interviewed by phone by one of the founders — so you know going in that even if others are highly accomplished, so are you…and that people will have decent social skills and not be mean. It made me realize that I have some excellent skills — just that journalism (as always) does not recognize them as such or reward me well for them. That was a good reminder, too.

      Right? They are so sensual and comforting.

    2. I think that’s a good chunk of the point – you don’t really know who are “accomplished professionals” vs. “people trying something completely new who are scared and seeking some level of validation for the terrifying thing they are embarking on in their careers”. And also important – in most cases, it doesn’t matter which anyone is. To Caitlyn’s point, it creates a very open atmosphere where people can just talk. And very openly, too. I had no real idea what to expect, either. But well worth taking the plunge!

      1. Thanks, Alan!

        It was a wide range of age and experience, which I think made it more human, I spoke on LinkedIn later with someone else, a man, who had also felt quite nervous going in knowing no one.

  2. Sounds so peaceful and human…so post so reminds me off:

    “We live in an age when you say casually to somebody ‘What’s the story on that?’ and they can run to the computer and tell you within five seconds. That’s fine, but sometimes I’d just as soon continue wondering. We have a deficit of wonder right now.”

    – Tom Waits

  3. We just made different choices — you have astounding academic credentials that I admire — and I hate academia. The very thought of subjecting myself to even one advanced degree marks me as stupid and lazy in the States when I am neither. So that choice of mine has very likely hurt me and my income professionally.

    I would also rather have some creative freedom and less income than $$$$$$ and live on others’ shifting whims. Having no kids and living in a one bedroom apartment for 30 years (choices!) enables this somewhat.

    I grew up in a freelance/creative family so I lived this in my teens. It’s a different model than the corporate warrior.

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