If you think that 9.4 percent unemployment and foreclosures popping up like mushrooms after the rain can slow for a nanosecond the production and distribution of those all-American porn-machines — catalogs filled with things you really do not need — please take a minute for Grandin Road, (Frontgate is the runner-up), a glossy book touting some arguably useful items like a dog-door or an inflatable bed but mostly filled with unnecessary items that cost a fortune.
Please check out their glitter-covered Martha Stewart-branded skeleton, which comes in green, white or black for $149. It’s 5″ high, 13″ wide and 8″ deep, and weighs five pounds. Irony-free, it even made the cover. Skeleton as mid-recession cover girl. Perfect!
The latest catalog, which arrived this week (I get a lot of catalogs, but I rarely buy), has 47 pages — 47 pages — of Hallowe’en related stuff, guaranteed to terrify the kiddies. There’s a skull and bones set, $34 for both; three fake pumpkins for $49, a fake 18″ vulture for $89; , even polyresin and stone powder fake gravestones for $59 to $79.
I have to confess I’m a little bit tempted by the 20-inch high pre-lit BEWARE sign I could stick into my lawn, if I had one, only $149. I can think of many places this sign would fit right in: at the door of deadbeat clients, lyin’ sweethearts, maybe your local bank or credit card company charging you big fat fees for every breath you take.
Hell, if I want to scare myself to death, I can just sneak a between-my-fingers peek at my bank balance.