Why self-loathing is a total waste of your time

So I read a blog today by a 28-year-old man, who confessed to self-loathing. Then one of his commenters, a woman, agreed.


Loud About Loathing
Loud About Loathing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let’s be a little sensible here.

We’re managed to out-source manufacturing and X-ray reading and people now have virtual assistants working for pennies 12 time zones away.

Why not outsource self-loathing?

Think of all the time it will free up.

No more staring at your computer muttering “I suck! I’m such a shitty writer.”

No more standing before the mirror, grabbing rolls of your fat, groaning “I hate my ass/thighs/stomach!”

No more trying to make music/create a dance/knit a sweater, whispering to yourself with hatred: “Why bother?”

Let someone else hate you!

The truth is that other people will be so breathtakingly mean, if you give them half the chance, you’ll never have to beat yourself up again. I got a “review” on Amazon of my latest book, in which I was described as “bitter, pretentious and lazy, lazy, lazy.”

Now, that’s some kind of nasty! I felt like a rank amateur in the face of that level of loathing.

The sad truth is that self-loathing is essentially self-indulgent. It’s common in your 20s, maybe in your 30s, as some of your peers will inevitably race ahead of you into law partnerships or see their work on Broadway or move into their third huge home. Whatever you’re doing may start to feel inconsequential, even if it’s really not. A crap economy doesn’t help.

The good news? Once you hit 40, or beyond, you’ll be so grateful if you’re simply alive, healthy, employed, solvent and loved that all that silly shit will no longer seem like an appealing use of your time or energy.

It’s sort of interesting being loathed. I prefer it to indifference, actually.

What are the downsides of being loathed?

— Someone may try to kill you (bad)

— Someone may try to physically harm you (bad)

— Someone may try to damage your professional reputation (annoying but you can deal with it)

— Someone may try to sabotage your personal reputation (bullying sucks)

But unless these are the real and likely consequences of such enmity, do you really care that much if someone hates you?

The worst person who can hate you is you.