Oh, Oh — Here Come The Former Beaux!

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What do you do when the boys from your past show up?

Facebook makes it easy.

So does Google.

So I’m now back in touch with three men I was crazy about in my early 20s, each of whom found me. They all live far away and one is happily married — I’ve been with my sweetie for eleven years.

Much has been made of the midlife nostalgia that prompts us to want to re-connect with the men and women who once made us swoon and indulge — certainly in my case — in some interesting behaviors.

One of the men, now a stolid, solid educator, was a hopelessly romantic redhead when we met, a mass of walking muscle training, he hoped, for the Olympics as a rower. I’d never seen anyone eat so much or so often!

Nor had any man, before or since, sent me a bouquet of flowers so enormous that I couldn’t see the deliveryman’s head. “I’m not dead!” I said, when I saw the mass of red roses. What an astonishing, lovely gesture from a fellow college student. I always wondered what had happened to him and was happy to hear how nicely his life has turned out since then.

Another man is a doctor, never married.

The third is a man I lived with in my 20s, who proposed, (and I refused), then went on to date and marry a woman working for the same company, where we all saw one another every day.  Not fun! I would overhear her in the cafeteria gloating about their upcoming wedding. Even if I didn’t want to marry X, we had still spent several tumultuous years together.

Now, hard to believe but I’m fine with it, we’ve become Facebook friends after he reached out to me. He’s divorced, still good friends with his ex, his kids now adults. We live in different countries, so I have little concern this is a flame being re-lit, more of a mid-life reassurance that we’re not forgotten, that our shared memories still carry some currency.

I have no intention of zipping off into the sunset with them or exchanging steamy, longing emails.

But I am glad to reconnect with men who once loved me and who I loved in return. There weren’t that many!

Here’s an interesting post from my ex True/Slant blogging colleague Marjie Killeen about the dangers of re-connecting via Facebook.

Have you reconnected with a former beau/belle — or several?

Or vice versa?

How’s that working out?

9 thoughts on “Oh, Oh — Here Come The Former Beaux!

  1. Just last night an old ex (ten years ago!) contacted me about meeting up for dinner and drinks next weekend. I’m intrigued, and accepted the offer. It’ll be nice to reconnect with him, but that’s all.

    He and I are both completely different people now. It’ll be interesting…

  2. I’m too young to be able to experience this but I am certain that once you haveloved somebody or indeed been loved, the way that person’s life pans out will forever hold a certain intrigue. Shared memories are such a fascinating and powerful thing but curiosity can kill a discontented cat – that’s why what you say about clear expectations on both parts is so important.

  3. Ha! The woman with the shawl over her face in the picture above is me. The fellas no longer in my life are no longer in my life for a reason. I don’t have a Facebook account because I like bygones to be bygones (and because I value my privacy).

  4. LE, believe me, it can be awkward. There are a few men I wouldn’t want to hear from again, but mostly it’s been – for me — fun. As a writer, I am very easily findable anyway through my websites and books.

  5. Ummmm — most of my exes didn’t part on the greatest terms, so no — not that many. Though I did hear from a high-school sweetheart and that’s been great being able to catch up again.

  6. Facebook can definitely be good or bad for this. I haven’t had the distance of time from my last ex, but I’m still Facebook friends with him, so I get to see pictures of his new gorgeous fiancée. Wonderful.

  7. I had an ex of mine send me a friend request on Facebook, which I accepted… for a while. When I eventually de-friended him in the process of weeding through my FB account, it was like an awkward breakup all over again! (He sent me a new friend request and a self-pitying message about how devastating it was to find out he had been de-friended. Ouch.)

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