By Caitlin Kelly
I loved this recent post by a friend and colleague, a Toronto-based travel writer, Heather Greenwood-Davis, who has seen much of the world, and even took her two young sons and husband globe-trotting with her for a year.
Heather trained as a lawyer and did well, but…
My marriage suffered. My friendships suffered. My health suffered. I began to shut out the world and as a result the very people I thought I was suffering for.
It made no sense.
What was the point of a full bank account if I wouldn’t be around to enjoy it with them?
And so I downsized my career and upsized my happiness. I followed my passions and though there was an immediate hit financially, the life I’ve been able to craft with my family has more than made up for it. The happier I became, the more I earned.
As long-time readers of Broadside know, this is really one of my obsessions and an issue I care very deeply about.
Do you know this book — written by Elizabeth Warren and her daughter? — The Two-Income Trap? It argues that chasing the American Dream might be a fool’s errand.
If you’ve never read this classic book “Your Money or Your Life”, it’s an eye-opener. It makes clear, in plain and unvarnished language, the very real choice we make — we spend our lives focused on making (more and more and more) money, grow old and die.
That’s normal life for 99% of us.
But should it be?
Do we all really need the biggest, fastest, shiniest, latest, 3.0 version of everything?
The tiny house movement addresses this longing as well, as some people choose to live in homes of 200 to 300 square feet, giving them the financial freedom to make less punishing choices than staying in a job they loathe to…pay the bills.
And so many students are graduating college with staggering debt and having very little luck finding a good job, the kind they hoped that college degree would help them attain.
For too many hard-working people, the “virtuous cycle” of work has long since been replaced with a vicious one, as so many us earn less than we used to, costs rise, good jobs are outsourced and turned into “gigs” with no benefits or access to unemployment insurance.
Whatever loyalty many people once felt to a job, employer or industry….Today? Not so much.
Every year, surveys show that a staggering portion — like 75 percent — of Americans are “disengaged” at work.
They arrive late, take sick days, dick around when they’re supposed to be working. They hate their jobs or, at best, feel bored, stifled, under-challenged.
This is brutal.
This is heartbreaking.
We only get one life — and it goes by very very fast.
I so admire Heather for making a decision that goes against every sociocultural imperative: get (and cling to) a fancy job, make tons of money, make more, buy tons of stuff, buy more.
We’re urged by everyone — friends, teachers, parents, bosses — to keep climbing the ladder of material success and professional glory, no matter what it costs you emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually.
I live in the same one bedroom apartment I moved into in June 1989.
If you had told me this would become my life, I would have laughed. I moved around a lot, and liked it.
I’d never before lived in any one domicile more than four years — and that was back in high school, with my father.
But my chosen life in New York also threw me a bunch of curveballs: three recessions in 20 years, a brief first marriage, an industry — journalism — that fired 24,000 people in 2008 and is in serious chaos today.
Life, if we are lucky, is a series of choices that reflect our deepest values, principles and priorities.
I didn’t want to change careers or leave New York, still the center of journalism and publishing.
I had no wish to assume enormous student debt to return to college to retrain for an entirely different line of work.
I didn’t want to move far upstate, or out of state, where I could live more cheaply, and possibly face serious social isolation, which I’d hated in New Hampshire.
My stubbornness created its own challenges!
I don’t have children, so did not have those serious financial responsibilities to consider.
I’ve been very fortunate to have maintained health insurance and good health (even with four orthopedic surgeries in a decade.)
My priority, always, has been to create the freedom to travel and to retire, (and we have) and to work on issues and stories that make sense to me.
It means making, and spending, less money.
We’re outliers, in some key ways:
We drive a 15 year old Subaru with 166,000 miles on it.
We don’t buy a lot of clothes and shoes and electronics; our splurges are meals out and travel.
We’re not close to our families, emotionally or physically, so we don’t spend thousands of dollars each year on travel to see them, gifts for them or their children.
I realized — after working at three major daily newspapers and a few magazines — work is just work. Like many others, I’ve also been bullied in a few workplaces and terminated from a few as well.
That left some bruises.
I enjoy writing. I love telling stories.
But it’s only one part of my life.
I have many interests and passions, not just the desire to work, make money and become rich, famous, admired.
I’ve become a nationally ranked saber fencer.
I’ve been able to help care for my parents through health crises because I didn’t have to beg an employer for time off.
I’ve been able to help friends as well, like taking a recent day off to get a friend home to Brooklyn from Manhattan after day surgery.
Now that my husband is also full-time freelance, we can take a day or two during the week and just have a long lunch or go for a walk or catch a daytime film.
Jose and I really enjoy one another’s company.
I’d much rather have a day with him, just chatting and hanging out, than making an additional $1,000 to buy…something.
We met and married later in life, and we have both had terrific, satisfying careers in journalism.
Now our priority is one another, our friends.
How about you?
20 thoughts on “Less work, more life”
I love this post, thanks for sharing–I will check out the link to the other post as well. I personally felt really disengaged with the mainstream norms of our society and lived for a while in an isolated community which very much (well, at least in theory) focused on trying to live simply, to focus on lifestyle and prioritizing your mental health over the acquisition of personal money, identity, fame, etc. I ended up jumping off their bandwagon because that too became something that seemed to be driving me (and my life) rather than the other way around. Still looking to find a life that in fact makes sense to me rather than wasting moments, days, years fulfilling other’s agendas. Good luck to us all 😉
Good for you for trying anyway. In the 80s I wrote a feature story for the Montreal Gazette about the last commune in Quebec. I’ll never forget it…and they had all the same problems as we do today.
Love it too! After moving too many times, I adopted the mantra of “no more stuff. I want consumables and experiences.” And the truth is, experiences are consumables in a a fashion.
It is an ongoing journey, though. But I try to say no to stuff and if I do buy something, I look around for things that need to leave my life, too…
All that stuff is fun for a while. Then it’s just stuff.
You’ve written about this before and I’ve always agreed with your stance. In reality, we don’t need a lot. Like you & Jose, M and I like to travel, drink wine and eat well. Those are our luxuries and pleasures and why we moved ourselves to wine country. It’s hard to get off that wheel, though. The frenzy can become an addiction we hate.
Great post. 🙂
I know…I did admit it’s an obsession.
The hardest part, I think, is to ignore what everyone else is doing and how well they are doing. It can be an endless competition.
Yes, you did say it was an obsession. Sorry, I initially missed that part.
Yeah, I like working (I’m still waiting for a start date for my new job), but I have to admit, being able to interact with the people I love or being able to relax is much more important for me.
Good luck…what’s the new job?
I’ll be working for the Defense Logistics Agency, which supplies the military with everything from weapons to food to those paperclips and pens that run the bureaucracy. They have a big installation here in Columbus, and I’ll be working in their EEO office, which is diversity and inclusion. Some of the same stuff I did in Germany, only more generalized, higher-paying, and hopefully more permanent.
Congrats! It sounds like a great place to….research a book. 🙂
Among other things. 🙂
i agree with every word of this.
I know you really changed your own life mid-stream and admire that.
All the best to people who leave their jobs or who downsize from a high-earning career to travel the world.
But money is important too — to pay the bills, to cover living costs such as food and rent, to put aside for savings and retirement etc. (As an aside, yesterday I read an article about how many people in my generation aren’t putting aside enough money to have a decent pension when we retire. It’s scary!) And for most of us, that money has to come from work.
I wholeheartedly agree with the message in this post: prioritizing experiences such as travel, living frugally and not splurging on materialistic stuff. 🙂
It’s a different perspective — and I was aware of that — for people in their 20s to 50s, certainly. For decades all we have to do is earn and save…just to survive. We are finally (thank God) able to know we can afford to retire, and are ready to do so in a few years.
But the only way to SAVE a lot of money (unless you are a very high earner or will inherit a lot of cash) is to save hard every year….and that really means setting and sticking to priorities.
Oh, absolutely — each generation has a different view.
Hopefully I won’t have to work into my 70s, although people of my age group won’t be able to claim the state pension (meagre as it is) until they are at least 70. Years of saving ahead…
All I wanted to do in my 20s was achieve in journalism….in my 30s to survive NYC and my shitty marriage…my 40s to survive freelance…now…BREATHE and kill the bloody mortgage! 🙂
Love it! I love this post. I live frugally and it’s ok. My last car lasted 15 years until we crashed and now I am on public transpo., which is ok. I get to mingle with the other folks who take public transpo. Lots of women. Recently I have realized that I like to watch HGTV and I love to read fixer-upper articles or DIY articles. I shop at Thrift stores for art. That 15 year old car helped me take my mom and her husband to and from the hospital on my “fixed income”, which basically meant I was no longer “working to live” and being able to be of service when my parents needed without having to make excuses to an employer or worry about possibly losing the job, was certainly less stressful. Thanks so much for your post.
Thanks for sharing your story as well…
People who are chained to desks/office facetime/long commutes and corporate demands have very little flexibility. Like you, I would rather have my time.
It is not a renewable resource, and many of us wish it was!